Wednesday, September 6, 2006

It's been a frustrating day.

Out of an inconceivable blackness comes the slobbering documentation demon! Its eyes burn with an unnatural fire that was stoked before the beginning of time, and that thrives not on oxygen but on the endless supply of blood which the demon drinks from its victims. I turn and attempt to run, but it is too late! The documentation demon has already wrapped its barbed and acid-drenched tentacles around me -- each sucker lined with tiny teeth that tear haphazardly at my flesh. But the worst is yet to come.

As I scream and writhe in pain, several white hot needles are strategically inserted along the length of my spine. I cry out, "But it was written to your specifications! Why do you blame your unstable opinions on me?!?", but the documentation demon just opens what I assume is its mouth, fiendishly pausing to allow its sub-zero saliva to drip into my eyes. The documentation demon pulls out a cute little hammer (you know, like with little floral designs on the handle) which it uses to shatter each of my eyeballs. Fortunately by this time my brain is focused more on the lava being pumped into my body (is it considered magma if it is inside of you?), and so I am currently unaware of having lost my ability to see.

I should be dead. If there was any kindness or mercy in this world I WOULD BE DEAD! But I'm not. Somehow, the documentation demon is keeping me alive, ensuring that I feel each and every pain it is capable of causing -- and I have reason to doubt that there is any pain it cannot inflict. By this time I have become aware of my blindness, and this depresses me. "I never saw true beauty!" I scream silently as I begin to cry -- well, "cry".

The documentation demon laughs -- at least I think it's a laugh. It is clear that the beast is beyond content. Perhaps it is even happy, if this creature is even capable of feeling such emotions. Suddenly it loosens its grip. The needles are removed, and with one last bit of contempt the documentation demon slowly drags its barbed tentacles off of my body. I can sense its departure...

...it seems like I've been lying here forever. I am weighed down by the igneous rocks that have formed inside of me, I am incapable of seeing, and my flesh is a pulpy mess. Regardless, I know that I need to feel my way back to the keyboard and make those revisions to the document I was working on. It's going to be a lot more difficult since that stupid documentation demon blinded me, but if I don't do it I... well... I don't really want to think too much about that.

Money is everything.

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